Friday, February 3, 2012

fast forward please

things going very very wrong here. my relative ran away from home since two days ago and has not come back. her mom is very sad, busy calling the police and for once i saw her face red colored and teary. her dad took his leave for two days already and very worried. and me here as someone who have been staying here for a year and half, influenced by problematic atmosphere at home, is very very stress.

come on man, tomorrow is the debut for saman. i know i'm off tempo, and i'm trying to fix it by keep on practice singing the song. i know i play a crucial part of the performance where the whole dancers can make a mistake if i sing it off tempo. yesterday i practiced until 2AM, record my own voice, try to dance with it, while i gotta wake up on 7 AM to attend morning class. on the same time, my relative is remains unknown. every time i reached home, her mom always asked me 'is there any news? did she called you?' and her dad keep on watching TV to distract his mind. on the same time, i got some internal problems in mapia about upcoming event and things. 

well, i'm reaching to a point where i really want to say :

'i can't stand it. my relative is unknown, so what? she is not blood related to me anyway. why i have to manage things in mapia which is not within my job scope? i'm enough with jtte, and please no more. as the head division of art and culture, i'm only responsible for saman until the end of my duty period. i can't just leave saman there even if i want to, so that's the only thing i'll concern.'

my life has not been as tough as this, i really need a break. 
my eyes became teary, and i cried.
my head is spinning, voices come out from everywhere.

i can't do this.
why is this happens?
why these problems come in the same time?
i have not prepare the rose for hair decorations, and i have not pack up things.
i'm tired of this.
can i quit?

suddenly, one bible verse popped out from nowhere:

‎"He will not let you be tested beyond your strength" - 1 Corinthians 10:13

i can't say anything, but AMEN.

remember my resolution: veni, vidi, vici (i saw, i came, i conquered)

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me as the eldest

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