the paradox of abundance

according to KBBI (Kamus Besar Bahasa Indonesia), galau defined as:

galau (ga-lau): a state where your mind is distracted with thoughts. (KBBI)

or according to one of indonesian famous motivator, mario teguh, galau defined as "a gap between insecurities in youth and a well established adulthood."

yes, i'm in my annual galau phase. 

it has been bothering me for a while whether to go back jakarta for good, or keep staying in singapore. i am saying this based on unreasonable grounds, taking the fact i don't have any plan up until now if i ever go back to jakarta, permanently. these are thoughts, without any concrete action from my end (besides of keep on submitting application for permanent residence), nor do i have any plan for myself in the next 5 years if i do stay here in singapore. i feel uncertainties has draw a line, and it has getting bolder as years passed by. sooner or later, there will come a day when i need to decide. 

in terms of financial, standard of living, freedom of choice, no one would disagree if i say singapore has it way better that i would if i'm in jakarta.

if that's the case, what triggers the thought of going back, then?

in the midst of monotone work routine, one of my friend quit her job and joined another. she stretches her network, joins this and that, and goes here and there. not only that, she made her hobby into income generating work. many things happens to her in a short time, meanwhile i'm sitting in my office chair, doing the same thing as i did last month, and the months afterwards. 

i need a bomb. 

i was telling my concerns to tim, and he came up with a question:

"do you want to be a professionals, or entrepreneur?"

to be honest, i have no idea. 

i don't know how my future going to be, i don't know what am i going to do, i don't know where am i going to, i don't even know what i don't know. 

call me ungrateful, as people say i'm having an easy life here meanwhile they need to sacrifice 12.5%  (equal to 4 hours a day) of their life for getting around their home - work place - home, office politics, significant decline of  currency rates, retrenchment, and stuffs. i might have been trapped in the paradox of abundance, where having a full and beautiful dresses in your closet means i have nothing to wear, or having a steady life means i have no life, or whatever you can think of parallel with the concept more is less. 

as i'm typing this out, i am still confused with all the uncertainties and what will happens to me next. 

p.s:

i found this definition of galau when i was browsing just now, and it's the best fitting so far:

GALAU: God Always Listen And Understand. 

...and no excuse is allowed.