beautiful in its time

for those who ever had lunch with me after chinese new year break, you are no stranger to all my nag and dilemmas weighing out pros and cons about going back indo for good, getting a work holiday visa in melbourne, or stay in the same company that i have been working with ever since i graduated. my colleagues called it "yearly dilemma", and it happened every. single. year.

i want to explore more. i want to go out there, learning new stuffs which you can't find in books. i want to experience new culture, new routine, and yet i'm not ready to leave singapore. i'm not ready to leave all the privileges it offers: safety, world's best public transportation, sheltered walkway, low income tax, low GST rate, steady income which allows me to travel anywhere i want, my company that allows me to take leave anytime i need (plus i have additional 4 days annual leave too!), fishball noodle, chicken rice, lao ban soya beancurd, my eyebrow threading package, my friends and community, my church, everything. 

and so there i was, working the same job and having same routine for the next 11 months, then nag for another month.

" i feel my singapore chapter is ending. but, i just don't know when."

i told my lunch group, and keke responded with her usual (and very much predictable) advice.

"well, pray then."

you know, sometime it's frustrating when you have talked as much as pastor preaches on sunday service, pouring out so much emotion and energy into your story, and expecting some advice, yet the only advice i got is to pray.

and so i pray:

• i prayed for my future spouse, wherever he is, whatever he's doing, and ask God to bless him. i believe He prepared a decent man for me. i just have not met him yet, but i know he's there. as it is written in ecclesiastes 3:11  "He has made everything beautiful in its appropriate time. He has also put obscurity in their hearts so that no one comes to know the work that God has done from the beginning to the end."

• i pray asking directions where should i go? am i going to stay in singapore? am i going somewhere else? if so, where it would be? i asks for signs, but i didn't get any. well, often times when we pray and pray and pray, yet we didn't receive any answer. one thing to understand: God is good when He answers your prayer, but when He doesn't? GOD IS STILL GOOD!

do i pray everyday? 

no. 

sometimes i forgot to pray, and sometimes i had a good time and think that everything is okay. maybe i'm supposed to be in singapore, eating bakut teh with crispy yu tiao. maybe i'm just over my yearly dilemma or quarter life crisis, and now i'm back to my normal state. 

but our God is GOOD. 

i applied for permanent residency in 2016.  

on the first month, i checked it everyday. 

the next month, i checked it every week.

the following months in that year,  i checked it on monthly basis.

it reaches to a point where i don't even want to check it. 

and my friend post on instagram his brand new blue card. 

then i checked mine, nothing.

then another friend receive her blue card on the 10th month from the date she lodged her application.

i checked mine, nothing.

then another friend screen shot her approval and sent the good news to my whats app.

i checked mine again, nothing.

in may 2017, i went to sydney to accompany mel watching korean concert. i am no fan of this BTS boyband, yet how interesting an impromptu trip seems?very!

i always ask myself this question, and it really helps to make my life interesting:

"when was the last time you do something for the first time?"

my heart beats faster, and i know i MUST go, or else i'll miss something. so i lodge visa application 14 days before concert day, with cover letter requesting for urgent attention and priority in visa processing. i received my visa the next day (which is awesome! the website mentioned normal visa processing time will take WEEKS!), booked flight ticket and accommodations, and ready for the trip.

i contacted joshua (my kindy friend that i never talk to in my life. i just knew he exists in sydney.), and kei (my high school bestie). we met up, had a great time, and i fly back to singapore with memories.

joshua and i started to text, and it went from light conversation into the kind of deep talk that you would have on midnight with your best friends. from there i knew he's the kind of guy who would spend his evening playing board game instead club, the kind of guy who would offer to serve in church, the kind of guy who turns to God when he's facing quarter life crisis instead of booze. 

he fly to singapore, and we begins our relationship.

in june 2018, he proposed. 

we have been gathering documents for visa application to australia since then. it requires a lot of documents and evidences, plus,  it's an expensive visa (it costs AUD $7,160 with no visa guarantee), so we want to make a complete and strong application as much as we can.

in july 2018, my permanent resident application was approved. 

see?

God timing is always perfect. He's not only work at the right time, but He also works in delay.

if i was granted my permanent residency early on, i would try to explore another country, or go back to indo to get new experience. i would not accompany mel for korean boyband concert. i would not be in singapore to bring joshua for his culinary adventure which make us closer. i can go on and on, but i think you get the idea now. 

on a closing note, trust GOD.

my journey is not over yet. 

there are 3 stages of visa application and it will take around 4 years in total. 

tedious? very.

pricey? yes! the visa fee always hikes up and up every year.

however, when i see how beautiful His work is, i'm excited to trust everything into His hands. 

"I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD. They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope." - Jeremiah 29:11

like how winnie the pooh lives in hundred acres wood.